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His creative guitar playing and relaxed style convinced Heather he had a chance at fame. His leadership and basic sense of rightness convinced her he had a chance to become huge.
The struggles they did have were painful for Heather but luckily, they were still in the mild stages. She had caught him lying but it didn’t bother her as much as when he justifi ed his lies. She had also discovered that stealing came much easier to him than it should be but no matter what sins Heather caught her son battling, nothing hurt her more than when he pulled away from her. She knew he was a normal teenager showing signs of typical rebellion but the awareness didn’t make it hurt less. The separation left her with a void and she resented that she’d been forced to accept the role of the dictator and punisher in his life.
Heather trusted they would return to the place where both understood one another. There would be time again for mother and son to share their common love for music and movies. They would have more chances to sit in front of the TV and laugh together at their favorite comedians while they stuffed their faces with popcorn.
Heather knew there would be a chance for them to make more music videos together and she couldn’t wait.
The project had given them the chance to combine their 109
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love of music with her need to hold onto a connection.
They would fi nd a time in the future to run from one theatre into another in the hopes of catching a free movie.
Regardless of the ruts they sometimes found themselves in, Heather knew she and Tommy would be able to share their need for risk and adventure together again and she held onto that knowledge to give her strength through their roughest times.
But for the time being, she knew that Tommy saw her as the enemy and reluctantly, she had to continue playing the part.
“You didn’t take out the trash again, Tommy,” she said as she peered out the kitchen window with disgust.
The side of the yard had fi lled up with the garbage again because he had forgotten to bring it out front for the garbage men. “Sorry but you’re not going out tonight,”
she added.
“But, Mom! Tonight is national state night! I miss it every year!’ he almost yelled.
“I guess you shouldn’t get grounded every year at about the same time,” she responded, more sarcastic than planned. Heather thought there was a good chance he had just made up the holiday as a way of beefi ng up the importance of the night’s events.
“I’m always grounded, it doesn’t matter when it is!’ he said loudly. She knew he was making an effort not to yell at her and she both appreciated and expected the effort.
Tommy was mad again just like that. Despite her great strides to bring him closer to her, she had lost him 110
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again in one quick argument. Her hard work had been for naught and she had to start all over again. Fortunately, she loved him enough to try for a million lifetimes.
He stomped out of the kitchen dramatically and his little brother entered in his wake.
“What’s wrong with my brother?” Jack asked.
Heather loved it when they referred to each other as brothers. She knew that the spoken words would help to reaffi rm the signifi cance of their bond. The possessive quality of the wording would work to cement their attachment and she encouraged it. She reminded herself that she wouldn’t always be there to care for them directly and that it was her job to help them stock up on courage, pride, and strength so that they could do it for themselves.
“He doesn’t like to obey,” Heather answered.
“I don’t either,” Jack grinned.
“Yeah, but you still do,” she said smiling. “And you better keep it that way!”
“That’s cool. Where are my tech decks?”
Referring to his most recent obsession, Jack began the search for the several miniature versions of skateboards that he had become addicted to. Rather than fi ghting her son’s abundant love for his new toy, Heather decided instead to encourage it. She fi gured that if she couldn’t beat him, she could join her child in his passions and she helped him build a village to house an entire miniature skate world.
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Heather planted a kiss onto Jack’s head and her lips tingled from the delicate hairs as they brushed a soft curl.
She walked past her son and found herself standing in the front yard. It wasn’t a planned move as much as an instinct to just stop for a minute and look around. She often had to hit life’s pause button so that appreciation would fi nd an opportunity to seep in.
The street was quiet and there wasn’t a neighbor in sight. Heather wasn’t bothered by their absence as much as she was by their presence. The neighbors had never given Heather or her small family a friendly reception. In the six months since they’d moved into their new home, she’d had little contact with any of the people she shared her new street with. She wasn’t certain why the neighbor ladies excluded her from activities they involved themselves in and it hurt her feelings. She wanted to be included but would never admit it to them or anyone else.
When Jack had a lemonade stand and not one neighbor came over to offer the little boy a quarter for a cup, Heather knew she was living amid some serious resistance. She tried not to let it bother her and continued to be friendly with them. She wanted them to believe that their snickering and gossip had no affect on her but it did. At times, she longed to have a friend close by, a place she could run to when her own household became too diffi cult. Heather started to wonder if it were her own attitude and paranoia that had prevented such friendships from fl ourishing when she felt the sun calling to her.
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She looked up at the sky and the powerful rays forced her to close one eye. It had been the fi rst day without rain in two weeks and she realized she actually missed the healthy and hopeful atmosphere the sun could provide.
Three teenage boys were coming down the street and Heather could tell they were headed her way. The kids were friends of Tommy’s and she knew they were coming over to see if her punished son would be allowed to hang out. She cringed inside, knowing how bummed out he would be when he realized he had to spend the day with his grandparents while his friends got to skate and play beneath the welcoming sun.
“Hey, Tommy’s mom,” Tucker said.
He was shorter than Tommy and had piercing eyes and an interesting face that made Heather wonder what his parents looked like. He had always been respectful in her home and so far, seemed to be a good friend to Tommy.
“What’s up, Tucker?” she asked.
“Can Tommy come out and play?” he teased.
“Yeah, please?” added Little Joe.
Joe was dubbed “little’ for obvious reasons. He was very small for his age and despite his sixteen years, could easily be mistaken for a friend of Jack’s rather than Tommy’s. What he lacked in height, Little Joe made up in personality. His wit and ability to shut down an uncomfortable situation were so great that he almost appeared to have a superpower. Heather pictured Little Joe in a costume and giggled out loud.
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“Sorry guys, we’re going to dinner at my parents’
house,” she answered.
“Is he grounded again?” asked D. J.
D. J. had been Tommy’s friend for years. A few years before, the boys had introduced their moms to one another and Heather began a short-lived friendship with Dana, D. J.’s mother. Eventually, both women realized neither one of them was in a position to offer friendship at that time in their lives and their short-lived union had ended badly. But the boys remained best friends and neither mother got in the way of their friendship.
“Yeah, guys, he’s grounded again,” Heather answered.
She didn’t get into specifi cs because it was Tommy’s place to share that type of information with his friends. Her role wasn’t to embarrass her
teenager or to expose his mistakes to anyone outside the home. “He’ll be able to hang out tomorrow. Come back in the morning and I’ll make omelets for you guys, okay?”
They agreed happily and headed off into the sun on their skateboards. Deciding the time had come to face her family, she practiced a happy face. Heather had no intention on letting them know that she was pretty certain she was losing her mind. Until a full blown meltdown took over, she would hide from her loved ones anything that might worry or alarm them. She walked back into the house and yelled for her sons to get in the car.
“Let’s go, guys!” she yelled before opening her driver’s door and getting in.
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The sisters timed their arrivals at their parents’ house perfectly. They pulled in at the same moment and dragged themselves out of the cars and up to the door. One short doorbell ring later, Tim answered. Heather’s stepfather offered his usual welcoming smile and motioned for them to come in.
“Hello girls and boys,” he said, adopting a goofy tone.
“Hey Grandpa!’
They greeted and hugged him before heading into the home the women had grown up in. Tim was the man both Jade and Heather would have looked for to marry their mom if she hadn’t found him herself. He was patient and kind and had taught them what a real man was supposed to be.
He had shown them through example that a husband works for his family and cares for the mother. He had accepted his new wife’s teenage daughters and all of their problems without hesitation. Whenever Heather found her herself in dire straights, no matter what the cause, it was most often Tim she called for help and he was always there.
His part-time beard was gone this dinner and his daughters told him how handsome he looked. They met up with their mother in the kitchen and hugged her tightly before asking if they could help with dinner.
“No girls, that’s all right. I think we’re just about ready,” Laurie answered. She had already set the table and was laying out a spread of roast pork, mashed potatoes 115
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and veggies. It was Heather’s favorite childhood dinner and she appreciated that her mother remembered it and continued making it.
“Where’s John?” the sisters asked together.
“He isn’t coming tonight,” Laurie grumbled, either unable or unwilling to hide her annoyance.
Heather knew her mother wasn’t happy about his extended absence from all of their lives. Heather’s stepbrother had social issues that prevented his attendance at most family outings.
John had joined their family when his father married their mother twenty years earlier. He looked a lot like Tim and they shared many of the same expressions but that’s where the comparisons ended. John didn’t have his dad’s ability to take life as it came and had fallen prey to depression, anxiety and resentment. Because of his disdain for the world and the people in it, he had begun missing too many family dinners and too many holidays for Laurie to forgive.
Both sisters loved John as though he were their blood. He had lived with each of them at different times throughout their adult lives and it was during those times that he had seemed the happiest. Eventually, living situations changed and it felt as though they’d lost their brother when he moved back into his own apartment.
Without the forced daily contact, John kind of fell away and disappeared most of the time. They worried about him often but mostly, they just missed their little brother.
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Just as Heather started to pour the drinks, her cell phone rang. She went to the back room where she had thrown her purse and fi shed for the phone inside. When she looked at the caller ID, Heather almost stopped breathing. The location identifi er said the call was coming from her own house. Nobody else had a key to get to her place besides her boys and they were in the next room.
She considered not taking the call but knew she wouldn’t be able live with the weak decision so she mashed the talk button.
“Hello?” she asked nervously.
“Hello?” her voice asked back.
The shock of hearing herself on the other end caused her to instinctively press the end call button. Heather fumbled with the phone in her attempt to dial and had waited almost an entire minute before controlling the shakes enough to work her fi ngers. When she was fi nally successful, she listened to four long rings, a click and then her voicemail.
Heather listened numbly to her cheerful outgoing message and she felt defl ated. She knew she would never understand what had just happened. She couldn’t tell anyone that she had just received a call from herself lest they make their own frantic call to Dr. Angel. Too many inexplicable things were happening and Heather knew if she didn’t get to the bottom of them soon, things were bound to worsen.
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Chapter 8
Love Me Dead
Heather picked her boys up from school and brought them to the recreation center around the corner from their new house. She dropped Tommy off out front to skateboard with his long-haired cohorts and said a quick prayer that he was safe in her absence. His circle of friends was easily identifi able by their permanently implanted head phones, ragged out boards and laid back attitudes. Heather was glad her son had chosen a group that allowed for exercise, despised drugs and adopted such a relaxed perception of life.
“Bye, sweetie, I’ll call you on our way out. Be good. I love you.”
She punctuated her statement with a kiss to his forehead.
When she found an empty spot, Heather parked her car in the crowded lot and walked Jack to the main annex so that he could go swimming. She had signed both of her sons up at the rec center believing it was important to get them acclimated to their new neighborhood. The last 118
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thing she wanted was for her fears to turn their normalcy into a luxury.
The guilt of taking them away from their friends was greater than she had anticipated and Heather often had to give herself little affi rmations of positive energy. She told herself that the negativity could only seep in if she allowed it to and often willed herself to be the dam that would hold it back.
She was only looking for a better life for her boys but the nagging guilt continued to tug at her like a needy child. At the heart of her discomfort, Heather realized she was more nervous about seeing her stalker than anything else and she reminded herself that she didn’t have the luxury of sitting around feeling guilty. She needed to preserve all of her energy should the need arise for her to protect her children.
As she opened the doors, Heather held Jack’s warm hand in her own and felt calmer knowing the public place provided more security than their private home.
She reminded herself that she could call Tommy on his cell phone if she got nervous and just decided to immerse herself in the safety of the crowd.
Damon planned to leave town for a few days and Heather knew she still had Joey to turn to if she needed muscle. She relaxed in the knowledge that there was usually a strong, brave man nearby and that her children wouldn’t be left at the mercy of her own quivering karate stance. Though she would never admit it out loud, Heather did depend on men for more than just the superfi cial 119
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things she claimed and she often faked the bravado she displayed when describing their uselessness to her friends.
Physically, either one of her exes was better equipped to deal with a madman and she couldn’t rightfully deny that. A combination of their anger management issues combined with the unregistered guns each ex kept in his closet would provide her the army and arsenal she needed.
Heather sat on one of the lounge chairs that lined the pool deck and cursed herself for having worn jeans and a black T-shirt. Had she foreseen the trip to the recreation center, she would have worn a bikini underneath her clothes.
The blazing sun sent a direct beam of heat her w
ay and aimed itself at the top center of her head. When she reached her hand up to block it out, she imagined she was searing her fi ngers on the edge of a light saber and decided she wasn’t prepared to deal with another moment of exhaustion or dehydration. Heather found it diffi cult not to swear as she wiped a new line of sweat from her forehead.
The ineffectiveness of sitting still while she had answers to fi nd was almost worse than the brush fi re sprouting from the roots of her hair. Though she had found a semi-comfortable position on the lounge chair, she continued to fantasize about jumping into the water with all her clothes on.
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Heather struggled with worries of how she could maintain normalcy for the boys. They were children and they didn’t deserve premature exposure to the terrors of the world just yet. Their lessons in courage, strength and logic weren’t nearly complete and her sons needed more training to deal with the world that awaited them.
Her stalker was threatening all of their plans. If the danger had involved only Heather, she would probably have already been swallowed whole by her panic but it didn’t. The threat to her children created a fury within her that far surpassed fear. The combination of love and fear supplied Heather with mental and spiritual ammunition, giving her strength and clarity. Heather realized that fashioning her anger into a weapon might be her greatest power so she refused to let it go.
She wished for the tenth time that day that she had trusted Dr. Angel enough to tell him about the parking garage incident but she still feared he wouldn’t believe her. Worse yet, he might try to convince Heather that her mind was no longer intact. She prayed she wasn’t fi nally losing her grip on reality.
Her short prayer was interrupted by loud voices and noisy splashing so she pulled her attention back to the outside world and zoned in on the new commotion around her. She heard Jack talking to other children who fl oated by in water wings or on tubes.
“Can you fl oat on your back? I can, watch!’ her son asked whoever would listen.
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She loved to see him happy. His mood was infectious and Heather had no immunity when it came to either of her boys. She loved them with such rawness and intensity that whatever they were feeling, she knew she felt it twice as much.